How Evie Joined Our Family

At the beginning of October, I got an email from a woman named Heather telling us that she was pregnant with a gorgeous little girl and wondered if we were still looking for a birth mom. We had just been approved to adopt again in August. Of course we were still looking for a birth mom! It felt like we had just started looking.

Heather and I began to send long emails to each other and almost immediately, I felt a connection to her. After one of her first emails, I felt like I should mention that my parents have a West Highland White Terrier (Westie). It turns out that Heather and her parents each have a Westie and we both agreed it was a sign. After just a few more emails, Heather emailed us and told us that she had contacted LDS Family Services to “call dibbs” on us. It all happened so fast, that in some ways it seemed unreal, and yet, I felt such a connection with Heather from the beginning that it all felt like it made sense too.

Heather was due in January, so we continued to email and text each other over the next few months, talking about the baby, who we called Lily, and our other common interests like books and movies. We also got to meet up with Heather two more times. She met my parents and we got to meet her bishop and some of her friends.

Heather wasn’t due until January 23, but by the end of the first week in January, Heather was already having contractions and starting to make progress towards going into labor. We had been getting ready slowly and I had thought we were ready until the possibility of a baby showing up in just a few days started to sound like a reality. Plus, I had decided to make matching quilts for Heather and Evie. I had started in early December, but this was my first time to make a quilt from start to finish and suddenly I realized that I still had a lot of work left to do. I stopped going to the gym and started staying up late to finish the quilts and other preparations, like cleaning and freezer meals.

When Evie still hadn’t arrived by Heather’s doctor’s appointment on Jan. 13, her doctor agreed to set an appointment for Heather to be induced on Jan. 20, a few days before her original due date. Of course, despite the fact that Heather continued to have contractions, Evie decided she didn’t want to come on her own.

Heather had invited me to be at the delivery and to be honest, I was a little bit worried about going. I was excited about the prospect of being there when Evie was born, but worried that I would crowd Heather and her family during a sensitive time. I should have known that I didn’t need to worry. Heather never made me feel like I was imposing and it was amazing to get to be there when Evie let out her first cry.

The day before Heather was scheduled to be induced, I was full of anxiety. The logistics of being at the birth started to make me nervous. I had a babysitter set up for Wednesday, but what was I going to do if Heather’s labor lasted more than twenty-four hours? I wasn’t sure I could stay away from Anna that long. I also worried about how hard that would be for Heather if she had a long labor and I was nervous for her health and safety as well as for Evie’s. I was also wondered if Heather would change her mind. Heather never gave us any indication that she would, but choosing to place a baby for adoption is one of the hardest choices a woman can make and I could see how after holding Evie in her arms, Heather might decide not to place. That Tuesday, as I sat rocking Anna before her nap, thinking about all of these concerns, suddenly I had the strong impression that Heavenly Father takes care of birth moms and whatever happened, He would help Heather and me get through it.

Heather was scheduled to be induced around eight in the morning at a hospital a little over an hour away. I figured I wouldn’t miss much if I waited to leave my house until 8:30 in order to give my mom time to get there and to avoid rush hour traffic. When I arrived at the hospital before ten, Heather was still waiting to get the IV line set up, so I hadn’t missed anything at all. Finally they got the pitocin going and then around 1 p.m. the doctor came in and broke Heather’s water. Then we waited. For some reason, the nurses forgot to check on Heather for the next few hours. Finally, around four-thirty, her nurse came in and checked Heather. She was completely dilated and ready to go. So the doctor was called.

While he put on his scrubs and washed up, the delivery nurse who had just begun her shift decided to have Heather practice pushing. She explained to Heather what to do and then as Heather was following her instructions, suddenly the nurse said, “Stop! The baby just came out. I need you to put your legs together and wait to push until I get the doctor here.” Poor Heather! Within minutes, the doctor entered the room, out of breath from running, and with one more push Evelyn was born at 5:29 p.m.. She weighed 7lbs. 12 oz. and was 19.5 inches long.

After Evie was cleaned up, measured, and weighed, I got to hold Evie. Dan made it to the hospital minutes after Evie was born and also got to hold her, as did Heather and her parents. Heather was so kind to us, letting us stay to watch Evie get her first bath. Eventually we decided to leave Heather and Evie to get some rest, stopping in the hospital cafeteria to grab some dinner—the first real meal I had eaten since breakfast.

Evie's first bath

The next day, Dan and I got to go back up to the hospital to spend some time with Heather and Evie. We spent all afternoon at the hospital, holding Evie and spending time talking to Heather and her family.

One day old

Heather and Evie were scheduled to be discharged Friday around five and placement was supposed to happen then at the hospital. Heather had invited my parents to join us and Anna also got to come along. This would be her first time to meet Evie.

As we’ve learned though, placement doesn’t usually go as planned. Right before Evie was discharged, the pediatrician at the hospital decided to give her a CT scan. We learned that during delivery she developed a bruise on her scalp (cephalohematoma). I guess these bruises happen often, but the pediatrician just wanted to make sure that the bump wasn’t caused by any bleeding on the brain. Then just before Heather and her parents were going to join us, Evie decided to spit up and make a messy diaper, so placement was about an hour later than we had originally planned on. I’m just glad my parents were there to entertain Anna because I wasn’t in a very good frame of mind to do so.

Grandpa made a balloon for Anna while we waited.

Finally Heather and her parents joined us. Evie was wrapped in a flannel blanket with a beautiful crocheted edge that Heather’s mom had made for her. Once we were all together in the overflow nursery, we took lots of photos. It was kind of like a wedding. We took photos of Evie with her birth family, photos of Evie with her adoptive family, photos with the birth and the adoptive grandparents together, etc. Heather gave me two books she wanted Evie to have along with a letter from Heather to Evie and another to Evie from Heather’s parents. Then I gave Heather the quilt I had made for her that matches one we have for Evie.

Heather with her parents and Evie.

Two moms kissing Evie's hands.

The matching quilts

For most of the evening, Heather had held Evie. She let her parents each hold Evie, before Heather gave her one more hug and then after giving me a hug, placed her in my arms. It was such a tender moment, that it’s hard to describe. Of course we were so excited, but we also felt sympathy for Heather and her family.

After they left, we got to sit through the new parent instructions. Again my parents came to the rescue, taking Anna down to the cafeteria. By the time we were ready to go, Evie was ready to eat. So we fed and burped her and then finally we put her in the car seat. It’s a good thing the CNA inspected our car seat. It’s been so long since Anna was that small, so I hadn’t adjusted the straps right. As we headed out to our car, it was snowing lightly.

Anna had been a good sport on the way up, but it was almost nine and well past her bedtime by the time we left the hospital to drive an hour home. She kept crying for a binki and I thought that the sibling jealousy had already begun and that she was crying for Evie’s binki. But the next morning, I found one of Anna’s on the seat. Poor kid. She eventually fell asleep, which was a huge relief because the closer we got to home, the worse the snow got. Around the Draper/Sandy area, it felt like we were in white out conditions and Point of the Mountain was pretty scary—not the sort of conditions you want to be driving in with a two-day old infant in the car. But we did make it home safely and we were able to get everyone tucked into bed. It was a long night for us—Heather had held Evie most of the time, even all night long, in the hospital and she probably still had her days and nights a bit confused—so we spent much of the night holding Evie too. To be honest, we were both so happy to have Evie, that we loved it even if we were pretty exhausted when Anna woke up bright and early the next morning. Welcome to the world of parenting two young girls.

Evie at home

Ever since Heather’s first email, all of this has seemed too good to be true. When we started the adoption process a second time, I was sure that Anna would be four or five before we got a second child. Plus, after Anna’s confidential adoption, we had always felt a little uncertain about having a more open adoption. We worried about how such a relationship might impact Anna and we wondered if we would be comfortable with a birth mom ourselves. We still worry a bit about how Anna will feel as she gets older, but I’m so grateful for Heather, for all that she has given us in addition to Evie. Along with a second daughter, we gained dear friends in Heather and her parents. We love them and they have become part of our family. Through my relationship with Heather, I’ve also gained a greater love for Anna’s birth mom. We know so little about her, but as Heather shared her experience with us, I felt like I came to better understand Anna’s birth mom. I have learned so much about love and sacrifice, knowing Heather. For our profile letter Dan wrote, “When people say that a birth parent’s decision to place a child with an adoptive family is Christlike, I think that what they’re saying is that it is akin to the experience that Christ had in undertaking the Atonement: exquisitely painful, totally selfless, and perfectly charitable, and accompanied by the Spirit in a quietly peaceful, reassuring way. “

We expect to continue our relationship with Heather. I wouldn’t want to go without her emails, texts, or phone calls. They have been the highlight of my day for the past four months. We also look forward to meeting up with Heather in the coming months. We don’t deserve Evie or her birth family, but we are so grateful for them and glad to be a part of their family and include them in ours.